I Hate Baths
by AngelRosemary
Summary: Melvin refuses to take a bath, and Ryou can barely stand to be near him. With a little help from Bakura and Marik, will Ryou be able to make his boyfriend come clean? Rated T for language and suggestiveness. Oneshot. Thiefshipping, Deathshipping, a little Psychoshipping.


**Author's Note: Hello, Angel Rosemary here! I managed to find enough time to write this oneshot. I hope that you enjoy it. :)**

**I actually had a song in mind while I was writing this. Try to guess what it is as you read, if you'd like. The answer is at the bottom.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Yu-Gi-Oh,**__**Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series, **_**The Looney Toons, Sesame Street, or **_**I'm**__**Sexy and I Know It **_**by LMFAO**_**.**_

**Pairings: Deathshipping, Thiefshipping, a little Psychoshipping**

"Hey, did you finish the Chemistry homework?"

Bakura pulled his chemistry book from his locker. "Yes. Well, I mean, if by 'finish,' you mean that I wrote something in each blank."

"Did you not understand it? I thought that last night's was pretty easy."

"Yes, well, not everyone can be as _genius_ as you, Marik." Bakura shut the locker door and started to walk down the hall. Marik ceased leaning against the locker next to Bakura's in favor of following him.

Marik narrowed his eyes. "I'm sensing sarcasm."

Bakura scoffed. "Oh, I'm being completely serious Marik. You know that I fell in love with your intellect."

"So says the guy who's getting a D+ in Chemistry," Marik retorted.

Bakura grunted, "Whatever." It was true that while Bakura seemed to possess more common sense than Marik, Marik always bested him academically. His days of studying the Ancient Scriptures in the tombs had prepared him for schooling, but Bakura's past life did not leave him inclined towards learning.

Marik smirked at Bakura's resignation. Upon noticing Marik's smugness, Bakura added, "Of course, I may be able to get better grades if I had a better tutor…"

"What the frig do you mean?! I'm an excellent teacher."

"I don't know of any 'excellent teachers' that start snogging their students in the middle of study sessions."

"Hey, I was still teaching you _something._" Marik put his arm around Bakura's shoulders.

Bakura grinned. "Please, Marik, I do believe that the student has become the master."

Marik rolled his eyes, still smiling. They had almost arrived to their study hall. "Hey, Bakura?"

"Hm?"

"Are you made of copper and tellurium?"

Bakura turned his head to look at Marik, his eyes lit up with a mischievous sparkle. "I beg your pardon?"

"Are you made of copper and tellurium?"

Bakura stared at him. Was this a question from the homework? "Uh… no?" Bakura guessed.

"Really? I think that you are. You're Cu-Te."

Marik grinned, as if he had said something clever. Bakura didn't understand what was so funny, and he despised being called 'cute.' Before he could respond, however, he was tackled to the ground by a white blur.

"Ryou?! What the bloody-"

"No time!" In an uncharacteristically crass gesture, Ryou licked his palm, coating it with saliva, and wiped his hand over Bakura's bangs, flattening them over his head. He then jumped off Bakura, grabbed Marik's hand (using the hand not covered with spit), and dragged him into the study hall.

Before Bakura could yell a string of curses at the boy who ran him over, wiped his slobber into his hair, and ran off with his boyfriend, he heard heavy footsteps pounding in his direction. He froze when he saw Melvin charging towards him.

"There you are, Ry-Bunny!" Melvin gave him a toothy grin as he approached Bakura. Bakura opened his mouth to reveal his true identity to Melvin, but he coughed instead. He found himself surrounded by an atrocious smell, which seemed to grow in intensity as Melvin drew nearer.

"Ryou," Melvin purred, "I know that you love these little games, but you can't resist me forever."

Bakura finally unfroze and, too choked up by the odor to speak, decided that his only option was to run. He scrambled to stand up, only for Melvin to stoop down and grab his ankle. Bakura couldn't hold back a yelp as he was pulled up to Melvin. Melvin leered down suggestively at his prize, swooping down to kiss his alleged lover. Naturally, Bakura slammed his own forehead into Melvin's, shoved the dazed, smelly boy off him, and bolted down the hall.

Melvin sat up, smiling wider after the aggressive display. "Oh, Ryou is feeling frisky today, huh? This is going to be fun."

Meanwhile, Ryou and Marik stood in the doorway of the study hall, watching as Melvin hopped to his feet and ran after Bakura, bounding after him in a way reminiscent of Pepe Le Pew pursuing his feline lover. Once Melvin had disappeared down the hall, Ryou released a sigh of relief, leaning against the doorframe.

Marik turned to Ryou, raising an eyebrow. "Uh… Ryou? As much as I understand why one might want a break from Melvin, did you really have to release him on my boyfriend?"

Ryou moaned, pushing his frazzled hair out of his face. "I'm sorry Marik. I don't want to keep ditching Melvin, but I just can't stand it."

"Stand what?"

"That smell! Melvin reeks, and I start choking every time I get too close to him."

"Oh…"

"Last night, he told me that he hasn't had a bath in eight days! When I asked him why, he said that it was because it hasn't rained lately. I mean, honestly, I know that you're supposed to conserve water in a drought, but this is a little ridiculous."

"Ah… well… about that…" Marik smiled sheepishly, putting an arm behind his head.

"Marik, you live with him! Surely his stench bothers you as well. Can't you convince him to take a bath anyway?"

"Well, you see," Marik sighed, "When we lived in Egypt, we just didn't take baths very often. We were always trying to save water. Of course, now that we live here, I try to shower regularly, but Melvin hasn't adjusted nearly as well. He positively _hates _getting a bath."

Ryou groaned. "Well, that's just brilliant. How do you usually get him to take a bath, then?"

"At first, Odion and I had to hold him down in the tub while Ishizu scrubbed him, but after a while, they decided that it just wasn't worth the effort. 'He's your evil alter-ego, so he's your responsibility!'"

"So, one day, he dropped my toothbrush in the toilet and let me brush my teeth with it before he decided to let me know." Ryou wrinkled his nose at that. "After school, it started pouring down rain. Of course, Melvin isn't allowed to ride in the bus after… well, you know, 'the incident.'" Ryou nodded, shuddering slightly at the memory. "Anyway, he had to walk home in the rain. I got home before him, and I was still pissed off about my toothbrush, so I locked the door on him. He banged on the door and threatened to send me to the Shadow Realm, but I told him to go *EFF* himself. When he tried to climb through the window, I filled my Nerf Super Soaker Tornado Strike with hand soap. He stopped trying to break in after a few shots of that. I woke up the next night with a tarantula in my bed, but on the positive side, Melvin had never smelled better. I've done the same thing every time it's rained ever since then. I think that Melvin considers it a game, and he refuses to accept defeat, so the big doofus always tries to get into the house."

"I guess that explains why he refuses to walk me home when it rains…" Ryou's face suddenly lit up in realization. "Wait…so, Melvin has only been taking 'showers' outside? In the rain?"

"For a while now, yes."

Ryou's eye twitched. "Marik… how long ago did Melvin had a real bath?"

"Hm, uh, what month is this?"

"Oh, honestly Ryou, you're overreacting."

"Overreacting?! My boyfriend hasn't bathed in months! How do you think a 'normal' person should react?"

Ryou stood in the shower of the Boys' Locker Room, washing every part of his body that his boyfriend had touched (which was several parts), having been excused by his study hall supervisor.

"It's not that bad, Ryou," Marik protested. "I mean, I've been covering him with soap pretty regularly. What more do you need?"

"That doesn't count!" Ryou whined, scrubbing his cheek* furiously. "He needs to actually rub the soap in, especially in the places covered by his clothes."

Suddenly, the door slammed open behind Marik, and an unexpected guest slid past Ryou's shower curtain into his stall.

"Ah! Ba-Bakura, get out of here!"

Bakura slammed a hand over Ryou's mouth, silencing him. "Shut up! I think I lost him." Bakura hissed.

"Lost who?" Marik stuck his head into the stall.

"What happened to you?" Ryou asked in a muffled voice.

"What happened?! Your psychotic boyfriend is what happened!" Bakura's hair was more ruffled than usual. He also had a bruise on his cheek and a red mark on the other. He pulled his hand away from Ryou's mouth.

"That maniac chased me from one end of the school to the other before he finally caught me. Once he realized that I wasn't you, he chased me all the way back, yelling nonsense about how I was a jealous pervert."

Ryou's expression softened. "Oh, did he hurt you?"

"Well, I mean, he gave me a pretty good punch in the face, but it obviously didn't hurt me."

Marik smiled slyly, having entered the stall and leaned against its wall to join the conversation. "Did he cut you too, Fluffy?"

"What? No, he didn't cut me."

"Then what's that red mark on your face?"

Bakura raised a hand to his cheek, allowing the red substance to stick to his fingers. He licked his pointer finger and said, "Hm, blood."

Marik was not convinced. He cupped Bakura's face in one of his hands and kissed his cheek, tasting the red stickiness. "Since when is blood cherry-flavored, Bakura?"

Ryou pointed at him accusingly. "Hey, Melvin was licking a red sucker this morning!" He punched Bakura in the arm. "Were you letting him kiss you?!"

Bakura growled, a hand rubbing his arm. "You're the one that made me look like you in the first place! I would have told him to stop if I wasn't so busy gagging on his smell."

Ryou sighed. "Yes, Marik and I were just discussing that issue. Melvin hates taking baths. Do you have any suggestions?"

Bakura shrugged, sticking his face into the stream of water flowing from the showerhead in an attempt to wash off the cherry sucker residue. "Just tell him that you're going to break up with him if he doesn't wash himself. I just got a firsthand account of how crazy he is about you."

"No, I couldn't do that. It would break his heart."

"Besides," Marik added, "Melvin has been much more stable ever since he started dating Ryou. We don't want to find out how he would react if that relationship were called into question." He tapped his chin in thought. "You could always just spray him with a lot of Axe. That's what I do when Bakura stinks."

"Really?" Ryou giggled, wrapping a towel around himself. Bakura grunted, drying off his hair.

"Yeah, I can't get enough of the smell of Axe, but Bakura loathes it." Marik narrowed his eyes, speaking in his Bakura impression. "He says, 'Bloody hell Marik, if I smelled that bloody awful, why didn't you just say something? I'm going to take a shower, but if you do that again, I'll smash that bloody perfume bottle over your bloody head.'" Marik smiled perkily. "He always looks adorable when he's angry."

"That's enough, honey," Bakura ground out through gritted teeth.

Marik snickered. "I'm just kidding around, baby."

Ryou smiled. "Sorry Marik, but I don't like the smell of Axe either."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I guess…" Ryou blushed. "I'll just have to wash him myself."

Marik wolf-whistled, causing Ryou's blush to take a deeper shade. Bakura grinned suggestively and elbowed him in the ribs.

"I'm just not sure of how I'm going to go about making him let me do it," Ryou continued. "I've already asked him to bathe, begged him, offered him chocolate, everything I can think of." Marik opened his mouth to speak. "And, no," Ryou cut him off, "I'm not going to take a bath with him. I'd like to maintain my virginity for a while longer, thank you."

"You two haven't had sex yet?!" Bakura raised an eyebrow.

"Anyway," Ryou said, deliberately ignoring the question, "The only way that I can see myself giving him a bath is if I did it by force. Of course, that's a bit of an issue for me." Ryou raised his arm, flexing his nonexistent muscle to emphasize his point. "If only I had a strong Yami with a clever boyfriend who could help me…"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "It's too bad that all you have is a strong, clever, handsome Yami with a gorgeous idiot for a boyfriend."

"Hey, we just talked about this! You know that you're not that much cleverer than me."

Bakura kept his attention on Ryou. "I'll help you, Yadonushi. I need to pay your boyfriend back for molesting my face."

"I'll help clean him up too. It will be nice to be able to be in the same proximity as my housemate without wearing a gas mask," Marik added.

Bakura and Ryou agreed to meet Marik at his house after school, since Melvin had told Marik that he would spend the afternoon at their local knife dealership. Once they had entered the house, they followed Marik down a hall to his room, which, fortunately, was at the opposite end of the house from Melvin's room.

Marik slipped a hand down the front of his jeans, producing a key. Ryou's face turned red and Bakura quirked a brow at him.

"What? I needed to keep Melvin from sneaking into my room and stealing my stuff, and this is the only place that he wouldn't touch."

Marik unlocked the door to his room, allowing Bakura and Ryou to enter. Bakura strolled in and immediately flopped on his back onto Marik's bed.

"Argh! What the-"

Bakura sat up, pulling a water gun out from under him. "You sleep with a gun, Marik?"

"Don't ask," Ryou grumbled, joining Bakura on the bed.

Marik started looking through his bookcase. "I should have something that can help us."

"Marik, Ryou already said that he didn't want to seduce Melvin into the bathtub. I don't think your yaoi is going to help us."

"I do have reading material other than yaoi, Florence," Marik sneered. "Oh, here it is." Marik held up a book titled _How to Raise Clean Kids. _

"Hey, my boyfriend is not a kid!"

"Could've fooled me."

"Relax, Ryou. There's a chapter in here about what to do if a child doesn't like baths." Marik flipped through the pages.

"Marik, why do you even have that book?"

Marik smirked deviously. "I checked it out from the library _and never returned it_! It's the ultimate act of evil."

"Yes, but, why did you choose to steal that particular book?"

"Oh, I just liked the picture of the baby on the cover. Found it." Maik sat on his bed between Bakura and Ryou. "OK, it says, 'If your child dislikes bathing, he could have hydrophobia.' Well, Melvin does bitch when I lock him outside in the rain."

"What does it say we should do?"

"'To get your child accustomed to water, hold him down in the bathtub and dunk his head underwater several times in quick succession.'"

Ryou gaped. "What?! That's terrible! How will that make a child less afraid of water? That's more likely to scar him for life."

Bakura agreed. "I'm pretty sure that's a lie, Marik."

"What are you talking about? Haven't you heard the phrase 'Believe everything you read'?"

"The phrase that you're referring to is 'Don't believe everything you read'."

"No, the phrase that you're referring to is 'Don't believe everything you hear on television'. People can't publish lies in books."

Bakura groaned. "Anyway, the book's suggestion is useless. We would have to hold Melvin by force to dunk him underwater, so why wouldn't we just go ahead and give him a bath while we have him?"

"Fine, you're right." Marik stood to replace the book on his shelf. "Any more bright ideas?"

"I've got one. Why don't we use a tranquilizer dart on him?" Bakura suggested.

"You're not going to shoot him," Ryou said flatly.

"Oh, it won't hurt him." Bakura waved his hand dismissively. "He'll be all drugged and calm, so you'll easily be able to wash him."

"Actually, I've tried that before. Tranquilizers never work. They only seem to make him angry."

"Damn."

Ryou tapped his chin. "Hm, well, Melvin has gym class during the period right before our study hall. If we could corner him in the Boys' Locker room…"

"Oh, that's brilliant Ryou!" Marik pounded his fist into his palm. "He won't be expecting an assault at school."

"So it's settled. Ten minutes before the end of the period before our study hall, we'll all ask to use the bathroom so we can beat Melvin to the locker room."

"Right." Marik and Ryou nodded simultaneously.

The next day at school, Bakura, Marik, and Ryou met in the locker room, as planned. Ryou stood behind the door while Bakura and Marik both took refuge in the stall nearest to the door, each crouching on opposite sides of the toilet seat. After a few minutes, the door swung open.

"_I can be your villain baby…I accentuate your pain…"_ Melvin hummed to himself as he entered. However, before he approached the first stall, he suddenly stopped. He gave his classic, diabolical smile. "Well, since I'm the only one that changes in here, I guess there's no point in using a stall."

Bakura and Marik's eyes widened. They looked at each other at the same time. This was not good. This was not the plan. Melvin was supposed to get close to the first stall so they could jump out and surprise him. If they attempted to capture him when he was so far away from the stall, he would see them coming, and probably turn around and bolt out the near exit.

Melvin kicked off his shoes in the direction of the first stall. Marik gasped quietly, and Bakura became more pale than usual. Still smiling and humming to himself, Melvin took off each sweaty sock, tossing them to the floor to join the shoes.

Meanwhile, Ryou was stuck standing in the open as the door swung close, although Melvin still had his back to him. Slowly, Melvin peeled his gym t-shirt from his torso, revealing his glistening chest (or back, from where Ryou was standing). Ryou swallowed as Melvin pushed his very short gym shorts down his muscular legs, bending over as he did so. His eyes widened as Melvin slid his thumb under the elastic of his boxers. "_What the bloody hell is he doing?! Why would he need to change his underwear after one gym class?" _Ryou told himself that he wanted to look away, and yet, he kept his eyes on the shining, albeit still odorous, body of his boyfriend.

Melvin only tugged his boxers down about a centimeter before Ryou couldn't hold in a small whimper. Melvin turned his head, his eyes half-closed. "Enjoying the show, bunny?"

Ryou involuntarily nodded, but then he remembered why he was standing there in the first place. "Oh, bollocks…"

Suddenly, there was a crash in the first stall. "Marik, are you alright?!"

Ryou sprinted to the doorway of the stall, with Melvin close behind, to find Marik barely conscious, held upright by Bakura.

"Oh bugger, speak to me!"

Marik coughed. "Can't…breathe."

Bakura glared up at Melvin. "That's it, I'm going to bathe you myself if I have to!"

"Good luck." Melvin winked before bolting out the door.

Bakura snarled, shoving Marik into Ryou's arms. "Get him some fresh air. I am going to catch that psycho if it's the last thing I do." With that, Bakura raced out the door.

After Ryou dragged Marik outside, the clean, cool air allowed him to recover quickly. They decided to let the two psychos handle their respective predicaments as they pleased, opting to attend their usual classes. However, no more than one period later, they were called to the principal's office. They could both smell a stench as they entered the hall, but it seemed stronger than Melvin's. Ryou was not surprised to find his boyfriend and his yami sitting on chairs outside of the office, but he was surprised that Melvin was no longer the only source of the smell.

Marik burst out laughing at his own disgruntled boyfriend, pinching his nose after the last few chuckles. "Frig Bakura, did Melvin run you over with a garbage truck?"

Bakura sighed, feeling defeated. "Close." He described his chase scene with Melvin, which sounded comparable to a chase scene from an American cartoon. Bakura apparently chased Melvin, who was still wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, through every room of the school, but a few highlights in their journey included the laboratory (Melvin interrupted a class that was practicing the formation of hydrogen sulfide), the dumpster behind the school (Melvin had double-dared Bakura to follow him as he waded through the trash. As if Bakura could possibly refuse.), and all of the school restrooms (…no comment). Melvin leaned back in his chair, also impossibly filthy, looking too pleased for Bakura's liking.

"Looks like I won our little game, Baku."

"You'd better shut your buggering mouth before I summon my fist in attack mode."

"Boys, please…" Ryou groaned, rubbing his temples. "What am I going to do with you two?"

The principal stuck her head out the door. "You can come in, gentlemen."

"Gentlemen? Where? All I see are Oscar the Grouch's cousins."

"Shut your bloody face, Marik."

As all four of them entered the room, the principal quickly took a large step back. "Ah, stand by the door, if you please…and leave it cracked open." They obeyed, although Melvin rolled his eyes at her sensitivity as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Mr. Ishtar," she began, "Several teachers have reported your noncompliance to our school's dress code within the last week, which states that a student must be clean. As of late, you have also failed to wear a shirt and shoes."

"No shirt, no shoes, but I still get service," Melvin mumbled. Bakura elbowed him in the side.

"You and Mr. Bakura have also been convicted of interrupting many classes and disrupting the learning environment." Melvin smirked, as if he was being recognized for an achievement.

"Therefore, you will receive out of school suspension until you agree to conform to our dress code. As for you, Mr. Bakura," she continued, looking at him, "I will only give you a warning for your disturbances, and both you and Mr. Ishtar will be dismissed for the rest of the day. I assume that you will both be prepared to follow our school guidelines by tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am," Bakura grumbled.

"Whatever," Melvin said nonchalantly.

"Excuse me, but, why did you call Marik and I here?"

She smiled. "Mr. Bakura wanted you to be here when I spoke to him. See, visiting the principal isn't that bad, right honey?"

Bakura blushed and looked down. "Yes, ma'am."

She patted his head, but then she quickly scurried off to the nearest bathroom to wash her hands. As she disappeared down the hall, Marik broke the silence.

"Aw, was Fluffy afraid of our big, bad, principal?"

"I only said that to get Ryou down here. Didn't you drive to school today?"

"Yes, why- Oh, no, you are not going to muck up my car."

Bakura groaned. "Fine, we'll walk then."

Ryou turned his attention to Melvin. "Mel-bear?"

"Hm?"

"You really do have to take a bath."

"Why? I never liked school anyway."

"Melvin!" Ryou moaned exasperatedly. "You have to go to school."

"You won't get to use the chemicals in the laboratory to construct deadly weapons," Marik reminded him.

"You'll miss the tacos in the cafeteria." Bakura added.

"I'll miss you!" Ryou looked down, his lip trembling. "Five days of every week… we won't be able to see each other…"

Melvin sighed. "…Fine, I'll come clean, but only for you, Ryou-kun."

"Excellent." Ryou grinned cheerily, his heartbroken façade gone just as quickly as it had come. "Let's go to my house, then. Marik and I are going to sign out of school in the office. You two should start walking- I'll drive Marik there."

The two yamis begrudgingly obeyed. By the time they arrived, Ryou and Marik were already standing in the yard. Marik held his water gun while Ryou held the garden hose.

"Alright, we're going to wash off some of that muck before you two come inside." Ryou leaned down to turn on the hose.

Marik smirked sadistically, aiming his water gun at Melvin. He visibly flinched, his eyes widening. Bakura chuckled. "You look a little scared, psycho. Can't you handle a little water?"

Ryou looked up. "Oh, Marik, let me hose him down. Why don't you take care of Bakura?"

Marik shrugged. "Whatever. Lift your arms, Kura."

Bakura did as he was told, turning in circles to allow Marik to spray his entire body. "This is humiliating. I feel like a dog."

Ryou approached Melvin, holding the hose in both hands. Melvin stood completely still, his eyes screwed shut. Ryou sighed. How was he going to go through with this? Melvin was _whimpering_, for goodness sake.

Finally, Ryou took a deep breath, holding it, before closing the distance between himself and Melvin. He took Melvin's hand, rubbing it reassuringly with his thumb. Melvin's face tensed in anticipation, and he tightened his grip on Ryou's hand. Finally Ryou pointed the hose at his chest, allowing the water to trickle down his frame. Melvin hissed, "That's cold."

Ryou smiled slightly, relieved that Melvin's deepest concern was only the water's temperature. Between breaks to turn his head and gasp for air, Ryou moved the hose around Melvin, holding it over each arm and his back, never releasing his hand. Melvin opened one eye as the water hit his back, sneaking a peek at Ryou, before closing it again.

"All done." Melvin slowly opened both of his eyes, his expression neutral. Ryou smiled up at him before walking away to turn off the hose. Marik had also finished rinsing off Bakura, who was shivering from the cold.

"Can we _please_ go inside now, yadonushi? I'm freezing my ass off over here."

"Sure, but give me a minute first." Ryou disappeared to the confines of the house before coming back outside about five minutes later. "OK, come on."

Bakura and Melvin walked along a path of towels to reach the bathroom, where the tub was already filled with warm water. Marik grinned at Bakura. "Start stripping, Fluffy."

Bakura quirked his brow. "What? I thought Melvin was taking his bath first."

"He is."

"Then, why…" His eyes widened. "You can't be serious."

Ryou matched Marik's mischievous smile with his own. "Well, it hasn't rained lately…"

"We need to conserve water, of course."

Bakura started backing towards the door. "There's no f*cking way that I'm taking a bath with _him._"

Melvin slipped behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him up. "Oh yes you are, Binkie Boy! If I'm going down, then I'm taking you down with me." He carried Bakura to the tub, struggling and swearing, and dumped him in rather unceremoniously.

Bakura thrashed around in the tub, splashing and spluttering, before he grabbed a bar of soap and hurled it at Melvin. Melvin stepped out of the path of the flying soap bar with ease, chuckling. Bakura glared at him, but he made no move to exit the tub. "Bloody hell Melvin, I'm still dressed!" He started to peel most of his clothes off, still seated in the water.

Ryou giggled. "You know, Marik and I were just kidding about making you and Bakura bathe together…"

Melvin shrugged. "I knew you were kidding. I just wanted to embarrass Baku."

Bakura growled. "Why, you-"

Marik snickered. "Take it easy 'Baku,' you might as well get it over with while you're in there." He reached over Bakura's head to grab a bottle of shampoo, strawberry-scented, and held it out to him. Bakura swiped it away from him fiercely, grumbling quietly.

Ryou held his nose and approached Melvin, standing by the door. "OK, your turn." He took his hand and tugged.

Melvin didn't budge. "Ngh…"

"Melvin, I mean it. Get in that tub or else."

Melvin raised an eyebrow. "Or else what?"

Ryou grinned wickedly. "Oh, I don't know, maybe I'll take the bath with my strong, clever, handsome yami..."

Bakura grunted. "Hey, don't involve me in your blackmail."

Melvin ignored Bakura, narrowing his eyes. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Melvin didn't have to be warned twice. He sighed, hanging his head in defeat, and nodded. Ryou led him to the tub, and he slowly climbed in, his face twisted with discomfort as he sat next to Bakura.

"_Wow, he hates baths more than I thought…" _Ryou, holding his breath once again, tipped Melvin's head back with his fingertips and poured a cup of water over his head, careful to avoid soaking his face. Melvin shuddered, grimacing. Then, Ryou took the shampoo bottle, unscrewing the cap, and poured the bottle directly over Melvin's head.

Melvin wrinkled his nose. "That slime stinks…"

Marik snorted. "Well, you would know what stinks, wouldn't you, Melvin?"

"Silence," Melvin snarled, his eyes shut tight. Ryou leaned over Melvin and began rubbing the shampoo into his hair, scrubbing his head thoroughly.

Meanwhile, Marik watched Bakura rinse out his hair and reach for the bar of soap. "Hey, Bakura, you forgot to use conditioner."

"I don't use conditioner, Marik."

Marik gaped. "Really!? But your hair is so soft!"

"It comes naturally, I suppose. Ryou doesn't use conditioner."

He reached for the soap again, only for Marik to grab his hand. "Oh, Bakura, you must try using conditioner! Your hair with be as soft as a baby's bottom."

"Why would I want my hair to feel like ass?"

Marik ignored him, taking a bottle of strawberry-scented hair conditioner from the shelf. "Here, put this in your hair."

"I don't want to."

"Fine, then I'll put it in." He poured a liberal amount into his hands and leaned over Bakura.

Bakura's cheeks turned red as he scooted frantically away from the edge of the tub. "But, Marik-mph!"

Marik ducked down, covering Bakura's lips with his own before he could finish. Marik pulled back just as quickly, smirking at Bakura's startled expression. "What was that, Fluffy? You need to speak up."

"I… I mean, well, you…" Bakura stuttered incoherently. Marik smiled sweetly and ran his hands through Bakura's hair. He growled as Marik started smothering his neck with little kisses.

"You really shouldn't mumble, baby."

Ryou rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to Melvin. His eyes were still closed, but his muscles appeared to have relaxed in the warm water. Ryou smiled affectionately before cupping Melvin's chin in his hand and pushing his head back again. Melvin flinched as the water rinsed his hair, but one wouldn't notice.

"How are you doing, champ?" Ryou asked, kissing the top of his head.

Melvin bit his lip. Ryou could tell that he was trying not to smile. "I hate baths."

Ryou grinned. "I know." He took the bar of soap from the side of the tub. "Keep your eyes closed, OK?" Melvin nodded. His face visibly relaxed as Ryou rubbed the soap over it with his hands. Soon, a washcloth was wiping the soap off. Melvin opened his eyes for the first time, gazing into Ryou's.

Ryou beamed, pecking Melvin's lips. Melvin hummed happily. "Hmm, I missed that, Ry."

"I'll give you all the kisses you want if you're clean, Melvin."

Melvin smirked before he licked Ryou's cheek, slurping him starting from his jawline, and nipped at his ear. Ryou shuddered as Melvin whispered, "Well, I'm clean now, and I want as many kisses as you can give." Ryou giggled as Melvin sucked his ear, before pushing him lightly.

"Hey, I've only washed your hair and face so far. Maybe I can stand to breathe near you now, but your body still reeks." Ryou held up his washcloth. "Let me wash your back, alright? I think you can handle the rest on your own."

"Fine." Melvin turned around, allowing Ryou access to his back. He shut his eyes, this time out of pleasure, as Ryou gently massaged his shoulders.

Marik stared at Melvin, astonished "You're good, Ryou. Who knew that someone could make Melvin like baths?"

Melvin growled, his eyes still closed. "I don't like baths."

"Please, I could hear you purring about two seconds ago."

"I don't purr. Your kitten for a boyfriend does."

"I'm not a kitty," Bakura responded flatly, washing one of his feet.

Marik rolled his eyes and turned back to Bakura, giving him a sultry smile. "Need help washing your legs, Kitty?"

Bakura blushed, sliding his legs beneath him. "No."

Ryou chuckled. "You know, Bakura is certainly shy around you, Marik. Is he like that when you two are in bed?"

"Actually, we usually snuggle on the couch. The TV has a better picture."

"Well, no, I mean…"

"He's asking you about your sex life, Hikari," Melvin said smoothly, beginning to wash his chest.

"Oh, we've never had sex."

Ryou and Melvin stared at them in awe. "You two have never had sex!?"

"Yeah, Bakura's saving himself for marriage."

The pink blush on Bakura's cheeks ignited into crimson shade. "I never said that! I just said that I wasn't ready for that step yet." The red coloring his face darkened even further as he realized that he had, indeed, just admitted to shyness.

"Well, frig, by the time you're ready, we will already be a married couple!"

"Who said that I'm going to marry you?!"

Marik's eyes widened. "What? Who else would you marry?"

"I don't know. Yami does look pretty good in his leather pants…" Bakura said in a snarky tone. However, he dropped his smirk when he saw the genuine disquiet in Marik's eyes. He reached a dripping hand out of the tub, using it to tilt Marik's chin. "I'm being sarcastic, love. Do you really think that I would spend the rest of my life someone other than you?"

Marik stared into his eyes for a moment before beaming at Bakura. "Oh, Kura…" He leaned in slowly to give him another kiss, their noses brushing.

Melvin burst into laughter. "Oh, Baku, that's sooo sweet!"

Bakura snarled, taking his attention off Marik to splash Melvin, sending water into his guffawing mouth. Melvin spluttered, spitting the water out. He glared at Bakura and gave him a bigger splash in retaliation, soaking both Bakura and Marik.

"Melvin!" Marik whined, looking down at his damp clothes.

Bakura calmly pushed his sopping-wet hair out of his eyes before setting his malicious gaze upon Melvin. "That does it." He sent an even larger wave to crash into Melvin.

Ryou and Marik left the room when the water started to splash out of the tub, drenching the floor and walls. Ryou sat on his bed solving trigonometry homework problems while Marik lay on his stomach behind him, reading a Yaoi.

Marik rolled his eyes as the sound of another death threat and a splash reached their ears. "Sorry about your bathroom, Ry."

Ryou smiled. "It's quite alright."

Ryou had quite a mess to clean later, but at least his boyfriend was finally clean.

"What did I tell you, Kura? It's soft as an infant's tush."

Bakura growled irritably. The hair conditioner had fulfilled its purpose too well for his taste, as his hair was now completely void of its usual spiky wildness. Marik played with his smooth hair, running it through his fingers. Growing annoyed, he raised his hand to swat Marik's away. Of course, Marik caught his hand and continued to caress Bakura's locks with the free one. Bakura yanked his hand away, folding his arms to his chest. Marik giggled, smooching the back of his neck, and chuckling louder at the pink blush on Bakura's cheeks.

"Oh, don't be so grumpy, _Fluffy."_

"I look like a buggering girl, Marik."

"Yeah, a girl made of copper and tellurium."

"Marik, you know very well that I don't understand Chemistry."

Marik smiled softly, leaning down and pushing his face into Bakura's soft hair, nuzzling him. "Kitty, all you need to understand about chemistry is that we have it." He grinned as he watched the blush spread to Bakura's ears.

"Enough cheesy pick-up lines, love. I still need to study for that test in Pre-Calculus."

Marik groaned obnoxiously, seating himself beside Bakura. "Fine, I suppose that you could use all the help that you can get."

Bakura rolled his eyes. "You know, I really don't appreciate-"

Ryou rushed into the Study Hall, grabbing Bakura's arm and tugging. "Oh, Bakura, Yami was playing Duel Monsters with Seto down the hall, and he lost! He's out there weeping right now."

Bakura's eyes widened as he beamed maliciously. "What?! Oh, this I must see." He leapt out of his chair and bounded into the hall.

Ryou grinned, ruffling his hair with his hands and sitting next to Marik. He smiled innocently. "What's up, mate?" He laced their fingers together.

Marik raised an eyebrow. "Ry, what are you-"

"What the devil? Yami isn't even out- oomf!"

"I've got you now, Ryou-kun!"

Marik's eyes widened, and he didn't need to turn around and look out the door to visualize the scene outside. He stared at Ryou's face, his lit eyes and toothy smile.

"Melvin, get the f*ck off me!"

"Oh please Ry, your Bakura impression hasn't worked the last two times, and it isn't going to work now." Ryou covered his mouth, stifling a chuckle at Bakura's spluttering protests.

"Let's go somewhere more private, Ry-Buns. I think that you're going to need the bath when I'm done with you."

"What are you- You bastard, put me down! YADONUSHI! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Ryou laughed freely now, a sadistic laugh that could rival even Bakura's. Marik smiled bemusedly. "Well, it looks like someone has more than one 'evil side'."

"I've learned from the best,"Ryou breathed between snickers.

"As funny as it is, I'm not about to let your boyfriend snog mine."

"Neither am I," Ryou agreed, standing with Marik and walking towards the door. "If Melvin is going to make anyone dirty, it's going to be me."

**Author's Note:**

***I didn't think of the double entendre until after I typed it, but what kind of cheek did you think of? XD**

**Anyway, the song that I had in mind was **_**Teenagers**_** by My Chemical Romance (which, by the way, I do not own). Did you guess correctly?**


End file.
